If love could save you, you would have lived forever…

It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.

I adored my father. Simply because he was always there. He never ignored me. Never said “no time now”. Answered my, sometimes potty, questions.

I was 10 when he died and remember very little. Some chapters however are very clear, engraved into my memory. Some things, some thoughts, I will never forget. They are hanging above my head. They suddenly cross my mind, unexpected. Dad wanted me to be a strong girl, becoming a strong women. I always wonder if he would be proud of me, knowing who I become. I have no memories of my father worrying about a thing. When I look at Bart, I see the same. But I know for sure, inside his head are millions thoughts, million little troubles he is not telling me about. Just to shelter me.

I probably idealize the relationship my dad and I have had. But that’s ok. I remember him being a gentle, tall man, very handsome too.

Some time ago I was overthrown with memories. Bart helped me to escape. He learned me not to live in the past. To live now. And I’m doing my very best just to do that. I always said, I would give everything, literally everything to see my father for a few minutes. But it hits me now… I could never give up Bart. Never give up our little family we have with Viva. Recognising that gives me some kind of peace. Knowing that, I can move forward, concentrating on what I have, not what I have had. Although the wonderful memories are there, I have given them a place, they don’t take over my life anymore.

A little piece of my father lives inside of me. It will always be there. And that pleases me… because I want to be alike.

blog.jpg

 

 

Posted in: daily life, love

Tagged as: , , ,

6 thoughts on “If love could save you, you would have lived forever… Leave a comment

  1. Ik vind het zo jammer dat je je papa al zo lang moet missen. En het is niet erg dat je enkel goede herinneringen aan hem hebt.
    Mijn papa is er nog. En ik merk, met ouder worden, en zelf ouder worden vooral, dat slechte herinneringen vervagen. Dat ik milder word. Misschien regelt het leven dat zelf. Ooit zal ik hem ook missen. Tegen dat het zover is kunnen we in liefde afscheid nemen. En dan zullen er ook vooral fijne herinneringen overblijven.

    Nadine

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My dad and i ……. iam shure that you will remember him allways …. just close your eyes … and he is there !!!!!! i lost a little bit my daddy in the divorce …. only child …. difficult when you are 9y …. a lot of troubles … mam said… Daddy whas bad ….. so , you dont know what happens …… long periode of worry’s … when your life begins …. just once a month from 10u untill 18u, whe did a lot of things … grandma ask to stay from fryday evening ……. go to Paris , Amsterdam , Germany …. a lot of nice days … But he whas not with me … Than later on … when i married my darling J-M … whe become closer ….. and later when he was seek … cancer , of Prostat …. than Parkinson … than Bone cancer … the last 3 years of his life wher so intence … so much to think about … the last 2 years i whas there with him 2 at 3 times a day … working and driving around between my mama and my daddy and my lovely husband and my work … Crazy when i think about it …. My daddy and i when to his neurologiste .. nice lady … and there he said … I dont wanna stay here as a plant … i wanna to go when the time is ready … my daughter will know … so havey to care…. when his leghs fall out … and the wheelchaer stand in his home … steps back, than the cancers whas so hard …Steps back .. he whas always positive and make jokes … but everyday whas a step back …. i go inside his home allways optimistic …. have to …. verry hard to take this on your back …… than the hospital , than the carehome … he asked if could speak with the Doctor and ask to end his life when the time whas ready , with my accord …. i call the doc and the same day my daddy ask the same …. Connection …Marta ….this whas arrenged that he have sedation … so this was …. the morning that the doc call me , i was ready to come home from my work , take a shower and stay 2 days and 2 nights with my daddy … i was still talking to him …. about the nice things whe did together … untill his last breed …. He is going with a smile on his face … i am crying know …. But Your daddy Marta just stand there in front of you …. i am glad that i stay with him untill he’s last breeding …. Big hughs darling …. just look deep inside and he is there Your Father !!!! for always …… R.I.P my daddy 23-06-17

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I know for sure he will watch over you from above….
    To protect you, even he know that Bart will protect you for everything and Viva of course😉

    Liked by 2 people

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s